Tuvik's Corner

Finding acceptance in yourself

There are days when I think back at who I was a few months ago. Moreso, who I could have been if certain events hasn't happened. How some people could have been in a similar situation, but in vastly different contexts.

Finding acceptance in yourself is certainly one step every zoo has to encounter at some point. Some may have accepted it straight away, while some may still be struggling with it as you read these lines. It's not an easy step for everybody.

I've interviewed a few people in order to gather their testimonies as well as some pieces of advise that I'll add to my own experience in this very article, thanks to everybody that accepted to answer my questions!

I'll start with my own case. I spent the longest time not even having a word to put on my interest in dogs. I stayed hidden, away from anybody's look, with that lingering thought of being completely wrong. I grew attached to my partner more than I would with any other human, and we spent a lot of time together. She was constantly giving either her back for pets that could continue for hours while I worked, or she was approaching her head asking for a kiss. As soon as I started having feelings for her, I had that dread in the back of my head. There were even some days I would contain myself from giving her too much attention, thinking that I could maybe fix myself by forcing my feelings down. If I can give you any advice, don't do that. It's pointless and just harmful for you and your partner.

I was stuck in this loop for several years, thinking how wrong I was, not even questioning the fact that I was the only one like that in the world. Sometimes you're just short-sighted on your own case I guess.

Then it happened. I was talking with someone online, when they ended up seeing through me. They brought a light in my dark thoughts. After talking for some time about dogs, they ended up showing interest in my way of thinking. The conversation branched toward more in depth relationship, and at some point they indirectly revealed their feelings toward dogs. In some sort, they came out to me first, making me realize that I wasn't alone, and after chatting for a bit I ended up coming out myself. They gave me a word to describe something that I thought I was totally alone in feeling. Now that my world has been put upside down, I started searching online. I found forums, communities across social medias, even podcasts and magazines. I learned about the ZETA principles, a few other terminologies and ended up creating an account in different places in order to lurk around. I am not very used to being social, but I eventually gave a go and spoke up. I met welcoming communities full of lovely people. I could finally put a label onto who I was, and accept that it's a part of me.

When I asked someone about their own experience in accepting themselves, here's what they told me:

"It wasn't easy, that's for sure. I think I've always had some level of attraction to animals, and never for people. But I pushed those feelings away and tried not admitting they existed, until meeting a certain dog: A friend's German Shepherd.

She was a beautiful, loving, playful, and overall awesome individual, and she became my first crush. Once I started falling in love with her, I had to finally process my feelings, and find out what it means to be zoo.

On one hand, I just wanted the feelings to go away, but on the other, I wanted to be with her. These confusing feelings and not knowing if a sexual relationship with an animal is abuse led me to scour the internet, trying to find out if I'm the only one.

Over a couple years, I met a few zoos, mostly on reddit. Some were simply fetishists, and made me feel worse about myself even though I was not like them. But others, others actually cared.

Their love for animals was beyond just a sexual attraction. They wanted to do good for the animals in their lives, and actively did. This encouraged me to keep looking around.

I eventually found zoocommunity.org and zooville, the former being a nice thing to check out, and see there's others like me out there (though I hated the forum format), and the latter being a breeding ground for sexual abuse and objectification of animals that only made me feel worse, knowing some would probably associate me with those kinds of people.

What really sealed the deal is finding Zooey.pub, back in late 2023. I finally found a community of people who care, not only for animals, but for people like me, lost, scared, confused. It took me a while, but eventually I started to fit in on the discord server, and I've learned an incredible amount while making awesome friends along the way. At this point, I can confidently say that I'm a proud zoo, and no matter what strangers say I'll always love animals, and especially my girl."

If you are reading this while unsure of how you feel about it, please consider it this way: fully coming out to yourself will be difficult. Try to reach out to zoo groups, forums such as zoocommunity, and asking around, finding people that can help you learn about yourself. One of the people I asked emphasized this piece of advice: Don't be afraid to learn. It's even okay if you come there just for observing silently, it takes a long way to open yourself to talk about a topic you thought was forbidden for so long. It's a path to take step by step. For more introverted people, reaching out via direct message to trusted people may be a good starting point. Just keep in mind to not overshare and never reveal personally identifiable information.

"It might feel wrong to be around zoo spaces at all, but you need to push through that feeling. Don't let fetish seekers make you feel guilty and turn you away from the community. They don't define us. There are good people fighting for animals, and for people like you. Once you find us, you'll find out what it really means to be zoo."

"There's also people totally outside of this whole internet culture we have. People that you might know in real life, who seem like they do really love their dog, or cat, or whoever. For people like that, where you just get the vibe really strong, you can try and see if you can point them in the right direction. It's just complicated when you know them in real life. Thankfully, there are lots of bits and pieces of media starting to poke their way into society that aren't made by zoos. Depending on who they are, you could send them the excellent Taboo Science video, and say "Haha, this video was really cool. What do you think?". If they're a furry, you could send them the Cenny video and get their take on that. You could send them the really amazing Journal of Controversial Ideas article about how bestiality is morally permissible and get their thoughts on that. There are lots of non-zoo ways to just feel it out. And that can be a great conversation starting point if they trust you enough to come out to you, or just plant the seed in their head that they aren't alone, and that it's okay to think about this kinda thing."

On the other end, if you see someone you suspect is a zoo, keep in mind that they need to come out by themselves. It should be their own decision, in the end. If they are receptive to some topics, let them bring it and follow them along. It's probable that they are still discovering this world and need some time to wrap their head around it. Keep it at their pace and guide them if they seek it. It's not about pushing them in a direction, it's about making them learn. If that person is trusting you, and they are indeed receptive, the conversation will naturally go to them deciding to come out to you if they need it.

"Encourage caution and education. Teach them and provide resources on animal communication and care. Encourage them to take things slowly, and not rush into a zoo relationship. Help them find communities like ZDP, and keep them away from abuse riddled places like Zooville. Teach them the importance of putting animals first, and never let your own wants and desires put them at risk or an uncomfortable situation."

"As a zoo it's important to have a good mix of knowledge, compassion and openness, although of course it's also okay to say you're not knowledgeable enough or you don't want to share about a given issue, and if you can direct that person to someone who'd be able to help them more. Also don't be too sexual or pushy with the "you must be a zoophile, accept it!" - share your feelings and experiences and explain what your love for animals means to you, listen to their experiences and thoughts as well, and you'll likely discover you have a lot in common already, and that you understand each other well on topics like animal equality and care or that you're able to have awesome thoughtful conversations about the things you view differently"

"One extra thing I would say just be patient. Being a zoo is awesome, and having more friends in the community is great. But a lot of people really struggle with learning they're a zoo. A lot of people really hate themselves over it deep down in their soul. That's not something you're going to fix by just saying the right words one time and then leaving them be. Give them space, and the room they need to breathe. Don't try and push them into anything. You can help guide them when they have questions, or are ready to take another step, but anything more than that and you can very easily end up scaring them off or making them hate themselves more."

Whether you're a person questioning their identity or a well establised zoo, there are actions you can take in order to either learn about yourself, or guide them through it. In the end, only you know what label you want to be identified with. Nobody has any right to force you into any of it. It is important to remind you though, that one should not be shameful of bearing any label as sweet as zoo, nor should you feel like you have to stay away from the communities around it. Reach out, eventually make friends, and you'll see that no matter whatever you can read online, you are valid.